I was only introduced to the term Neurodivergent in April. Its been quiet a journey. I had never heard of the term let alone discovering that it applies to me. From research and following posts, how this was never picked up on before now baffles me.
With it all being so new to me, there has been alot of self discovery and it has been quiet the whirlwind. However, although I am happy to own this ‘new me’, I am unsure if I want to broadcast it.
I am perfectly happy to know that all the little quirks in my personality are little traits of ND, but I feel I want to keep it to myself. In a way it just makes me feel better about me, but I dont feel I need to take on the battle of explaining it to close family and friends, have negative comments making me feel like a hypocondriact or its made up.
My story:
I work a 40hr week. I would consider myself to be your usual, pretty average type. I’ll unlikely ever be rich or famour. I cant think of any great feat that I would ever be remembered for. I am lucky enough that i am not living on the streets and I have a loving family, a clean warm home and a job that I havent been fired from.
I have had my own troubles in live. I like to call these my life lessons. I have learnt from some and repeated others. The one thing I have always had and never mad a secret of is depression. I have gone through many ups and downs, questioned life, looked for better answers. I have sought counselling in the past. It helped a bit, kinda. I dont have the best luck in the world, so when my grievance counsellor passed away, I knew at that point that my journey was not going to be straight forward.
My 20’s & 30’s were a difficult time for me. I had so many questions and theories about life. I was so disappointed in myself and I know now….I was my own worse enemy.
It was this year, in my mid 40’s that went back to my counsellor after 10 years to see if she could help me make sense of life. And my god… that she did!!!
I sat with her on my first appointment back with her. I gave a brief run down of the last 10 years. As I do, I started waffling on about this that and the other thing and then…she said IT. With a smile on her face and her head tilted slighlt to the side, The sentance that changed everything…..
OMG you’re so Neurodivergent
I’m sorry, what? I’m what? What is Neurodivergent? How am I Neurodivergent? Is it an illness? How did I contract it? Is it contagious? Is it serious? Is it going to cost me money?
I dont get it? I dont understand. There was going to be some serious googling done when I got home.
Then she explained. Its not a bad thing, and there are alot of people out there with it. You dont suffer with it. Its what makes you you. Its when your brain is wired slightly different than neurotypical people, you see and process things a little differently.
Hmmmmmm….. ok. So its NOT a bad thing. But it’s still going to need to be googled. And that I did. I googled and read. I thought long and hard. Then googled more. I looked at myself. And thought about all the little things that have always been ‘just me’, but not quiet what everyone considers as ‘normal’. And there it was. That’s when it happened. When it all started to make sense. I wasnt all the negative things I always labelled myself as being. I am Neurodivergent.
I am Neurodivergent. I am me. Its not bad. Its not odd or weird. Im not quirky (well ya I am, but more in a good way). Im not cranky or set in my ways. I’m not a hypocondriact. Im not militant or difficult. I am me. I just think a little differently.
Anna K.
myneurodivergentselfblog 